As human beings, we share the same world, the same air and the same sky, the same body structure, the same instincts, we also share experiences, talents, skills and feelings, nonetheless; we’re still very different in so many ways it almost seems like each one lives in a world of their own.
It’s all but natural that when we first meet someone, there’s an idea that forms in our heads whether we like it or not, that’s what we call first impressions, but there’s also another thing very similar yet not at all okay; which is the ideas we form intentionally, based on -God knows what- assumptions, with no further knowledge, and without being sure, we just write our own version of another person’s experience and we believe it, not knowing the damage it can really make in someone’s life, and that’s what is called judgment, or misjudgment for that matter.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that they had a different idea about me when they first met me; the next person will probably tell me that they didn’t think I’m that rich :p. And it’s not exactly pleasant when the image people see isn’t really you, yet they choose to believe it, and they judge you for it.
To see the deepest parts of your soul, being discussed in words that are less than knowing, your hardest battles being underestimated and the things that hurt you the most in life seen as light and unimportant; is what it feels like to be judged and what you do to a person when you judge them.
People think they know you, you’d show them parts of you and they’d think they’ve seen enough, they believe whatever little things they know make them entitled to put you in a certain category, to label you.
Some are called weak or cowards but no one knows that they’re yet to beat the debilitating fear others would probably collapse under if they were them, and a lot of people in their time of anguish are called too negative or too self destructive, fancy words people like to use upon others while they don’t know the first thing about their meaning, the world would never understand that they can’t really control their minds, but they are their minds that control them, and if one were ever to go through that, they’d probably be just as negative, if not even more. And when it comes to the times we mess up, it’s pretty rare to be able to shake off the dust of our guilt without having someone attempting to tarnish our being with more shame and doing their best to throw senseless accusations at us, as if our mistakes define us, as if the things we do in times of weakness are the only things that truly matter.. It’s ironic how most of us are masters of finding excuses for themselves, while they judge people by their actions with no attempts at trying to understand.
Hence what you do or who you are is irrelevant, because no matter how big the effort you make is, no matter how much support you receive, you will be judged and you will be criticized, and sadly not all forms of criticism are friendly. Live anyway, you don’t really owe anything to anyone, and people’s words can only go so far, you could stop because of others, but you have got to ask yourself ; are they going to be there when you’re suffering the worst kinds of regret ? when you can’t stop asking yourself what if ? No one will.
Regardless of how much we know someone, unless we have been by their side throughout their whole life and felt every single thing they did in their journey, we really don’t know much, there’ll always be a side they keep hidden, we’re not really supposed to know why, and the reasons are endless. At the end of the day, no one will ever know you better than you, and you’ll never know someone more than they know themselves, it’s not a bad thing, what makes life a special experience is the fact that there’s always room to know more.
Life wouldn’t be interesting at all if we knew others the same way we knew ourselves, it’s that sense of mystery and intrigue that make us interested in others and attracted to them, because deep down, we long to know more, to see more, and those bits and pieces we figure with time are what defines our future with that other person, none of this would have existed if we were born with previous knowledge of everything and everyone.
Why spoil such a beautiful aspect in our human experience and turn it into a nightmare for others and for ourselves by pointing fingers, assuming and judging.
I’m not even going to pretend that I don’t have baggage just like everyone else, even the closest people to me are yet to learn a lot about me. I’m also not going to say that I haven’t been guilty of jumping to conclusions and wrong ideas a few times, luckily I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’ve learned from the moments someone said something to me or accused me of something and all I could think is if only they knew.
If only you knew the things people go through, you’d never go another day without minding your business and leaving them alone. If only you knew the reasons people do the things that might sound horrifying to you, you’d want to apologize to them for your secret condemning thoughts . We can all do better than being shallow, whatever you see people do or say is only a thin layer, an outer facade, there’s more lying beneath, far along for you to see or understand.
If you trust someone you should also trust the fact that there are things you might not know about them, sometimes the motives and meaning behind people’s actions might seem as clear as day, and you would think you have it figured out, but people experience different things in different degrees, you might understand hurt, grief, ego, jealousy and anger, but there are others out there who lived through those feelings in more ways than you have, it’s truly sad what people can do out of fear and sorrow, how they could hurt themselves and hurt others without really intending it, or the way a person can do so much damage just because they’re wounded and their heads are too clouded with pain to fully fathom the effect they have on their entourage. Even those who are perceived as “bad people” who have no values and no boundaries, some are only that way because it’s all they know, it’s all they’ve learned, they haven’t received an education as good as the lucky ones, they weren’t taught the difference between right and wrong, so do we really have the right to call them on that? To blame them when it’s not technically their fault? I think not. The best thing you can do is to clear your intentions, and the truth will find its way to you sooner or later, it’s better than wronging someone and then regretting it.
There’s only one who can judge us, and he‘s also the one who tells us what a sinful act it is to doubt others and look for their faults : “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin” [49:12] “يٰأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ ٱجْتَنِبُواْ كَثِيراً مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ“.
Truly; sometimes no matter how sure you are, you can’t be further from the truth.